sigh sigh sigh.

everytime at the end of the day i thought my day was going well...until the moment i stepped home. i dont see my "home" as a refuge for me to hide from reality. might as well be the place i try to hide from. my tears shed can only be done in the bathroom or in the darkness of my blanket. nothing else more. i am taught not to shed tears and to hide my feelings well. i used to be scolded if i look sad. vulgarities spewed from ur lips. respect respect respect. i see none of those virtues in you.

11.30p.m reached home after shoving half the 12 inches pizza into my stomach. Happy 5mths of love and hate relationship with him. skipped gp n chi. went window shoppin with joyce, brandon and qi. took some snap shots. then yang joined us and we had our monthly anniversary dinner at pasta mania. yummy* we ordered too much so have to tabao* the pizza home. then i sent him to bedok for some gym thingy at bk ite then took a bus home. fall asleep and reached amk which pissed me off cos i was seriously terribly tired. anyway saw joyce'steady today. . cutie n handsome too. good for her :)

so anyway... kinda miss him so he came down after the meeting session. abt 9+ p.m he reached here ate our pizza at e park. la kopi at e coffee shop then sit at e void deck for some heart to heart talk. sometimes i feel totally stripped off from my stress whenever i'm with him. unless at the back of mind that alarm ringing me to wake up to reality. sucky. i dont wanna wake up. i wanna live in my dreams. i wanna have a garden of my own. a strawberry farm.

whatever good things happen doesnt end it well though. jie have to shout at me throughout the night. i cant even study she insist i'm disturbing her with the lights. rambling on abt my lazyness and my slacking attitude. i' argued. i should known better. i should have just shut up. i just work at night, cant u see. i'm not like ur Aces student. stop comparing me. so all she could say is " what the F* do u think u ARe doing? do u know WAT the TIme is. dont u use ur F* brains to think! ur just F* boy crazy ur F CB and ur LJ bin and u F*king lie never CALL"... crude huh. i have a decent relationship in case she forgot.

so mama knew i was crying some how last night and she have to wake up at 2 a.m and scold me abt my life and my relationship. they think that the relationship is somehow pulling me down all the way. yes.. maybe. but not entirely. i cant blame anyone but myself. is time to pull my socks up right. and stop thinkin of next movie i wanna watch and perhaps ktv on sat. i'm jus afraid she gonna lock the gates or threw me out. kind of sickening. they are the ones who disrupt my life. dont tell me what to do or say, my life might be better off this way. i know i know. dont scold me all night.. thats just pure wasting time. give me the lights and tables. off the tv! ask the neighbours to stop rolling marbles above my ceilings. tell my da jie to shut up with her crappy bitchy voice. perhaps i might score an A this way